Get a clue! A note from Matt regarding
CPF's fansubs This whole live-action vs. anime film thing What the FAQ is Corn Pone Flicks? Other Links Cheap Disposable Entertainment Committee for the Scientific Investigation of Claims of the Paranormal |
The
CPF Times Even Brander and Newer!!! From Corn Pone Flicks, a (relatively) new 2002 production, it's.... well, we'll just have to let you find out for yourself, as it'd ruin the surprise a bit to say more ... Right Click the following link and select 'Save Target As...' to download CPF's new film Corn Pone Flicks' Mondo Surprise! Also available from Corn Pone Flicks: it's...
PONG! Now available from Corn Pone Flicks, a 5 minute trip back into the debauchery of the 1970s. A divx download version, 5 min, ~26 MB, available below. Right Click the following link and select 'Save Target As...' to download CPF's new film PONG! Right Click the following link and select 'Save Target As...' to download CPF's Indiana Jones film 'trailer.' It's ~19MB, 6 min. avi in DivX ;) mpeg4 format: Corn Pone Flicks' Indiana Jones film Right Click the following link and select 'Save Target As...' to download yet another fabulous CPF masterwork, Deep Brown Swamp... This video file is a bit larger than IJEF. It's ~39MB, 5 min. avi in DivX ;) mpeg4 format. When you see the footage, you'll see how much more difficult to compress it is :) View classic Corn Pone Flicks masterworks from times past. First is Bonus Track (8.5 MB, 1.5 minute length), and second is CPF's 1997 short B.O.A. (approx 10 MB, 1 minute.) NEW: the ancient CPF Classic Flexible Metal Hose Co. Vs. The Universe (3.8Mb, 1 min.) and the 1995 Mega-hit Corn Dog 7 (7 minutes, ~70mb.) They are all in divX format as well. Once again, right click and save the .avi file.
|
|||||||||
Respected Film Critic Gains New Insight Into War Through Hollywood"It's bad," he says."After an epoch of governmental lies," asserts New York Times film critic Odious Popesmasher, "our beloved movie industry is dropping the curtain on the reality of war, and it ain't pretty. The war, I mean, not the curtain." Mr. Popesmasher claims he first began to understand what has been hidden all these years after a viewing of The Fifth Element, wherein a trembly-lipped waif in a leotard loses her spunk and badguy-asswhupping 'tude when she finds the entry for "War" in the computer and sees that people hurt other people way bunches. "I felt so sorry for that girl, I just wanted to...well, fuck her, but in the interest of putting her troubled little noggin to rest." And after seeing Michael Bay's nouveau classic Pearl Harbor, it was cinched. "Any event that could make Ben Affleck wear that pouty, wounded look for as long as he did couldn't possibly be good." Odious feels a personal debt of gratitude to Roland Emmerich for his eye-opening look at the American Revolution with The Patriot. "He boldly exposes the atrocities the Godless Brits perpetrated upon our ancestors, including their practice of locking entire townships in churches and setting them on fire. Our school textbooks shamelessly whitewash the whole event and pretend that it never even happened, which I now see is obviously a lie of The Man." While his studies are not yet complete, Mr. Popesmasher cautions that his preliminary studies, commencing with Terminator 2, indicate that nuclear war might be even worse. "It looks painful," says he. "It's not like those 'Duck and Cover' spots made it out to be." Community Cattle Outraged By Steakhouse Ad"Cannibalism" imagery point of contention.Dusty Ranch Steak House owner Smarm Poodlewoop has been the center of attention in his hometown of Dry Prong, Arizona, ever since a group of disgruntled bovines began picketing his establishment sometime last week. The restaurant's new ad campaign seems to be at the center of the controversy."It's simply one of those eatery cliches," maintains Poodlewoop, "to show the animal you're eating wearing a bib and holding utensils whilst drooling at the prospect of a hearty meal. We aren't suggesting cows eat their own kind, though frankly if they ever tasted themselves, I bet they'd go in for it big time." Smarm concedes that when it come to the cows' outrage, he's guessing a bit. "All they can say is 'moo' and they say it very slowly, so we've had trouble getting a good dialogue going."We offered to contact a bovine expert to help settle the communication issue, but Mr. Poodlewoop admits that the protesters have all been slaughtered and grilled already. "They were delicious," he adds. "If cows would simply grow up and realize that the only thing they have to offer is the fact that they taste really good, we wouldn't have these issues to deal with." |
 |
Corn Dog 7 goes back to the cutting block!Leper Jim Remarks, "Yeah"
The now relatively early CPF "classic" has been digitally remastered in honor of the fact that the VHS master looks increasingly shitty, and because it was too long, anyway. The new cut runs three minutes shorter, plus features stereo sound and more special FX. And the cyborg's dialogue is now comprehensible! I say so, anyway. Here's a quick guide to what the site is all about: First, this News page here will contain important information regarding the site, and the very latest from the CPF crew themselves. Commonly read (we hope) editorials, instruction pages, special reports, and links to other sites are referenced in the far left sidebar. The Filmography page contains a listing of all of Corn Pone Flicks' projects in a list form. Clicking on a title from the list pops up a window with exquisite detail about each work. The Filmography page also includes a link to up-to-date information regarding upcoming CPF projects. The About CPF page contains biographical and other information about the cast of characters that makes up the gestalt of zaniness known as Corn Pone Flicks. The Contact page is VERY VERY important. It includes ALL THE DETAILS about how one should contact Corn Pone Flicks and request copies of their films. Please, please read this section carefully! The CPF elder gods are extremely busy and following these guidelines helps immensely when it comes to the time it takes to get tapes done. If you're a dumbass, please get someone who's not to handle the contact arrangements. The CPF Reviews page contains all the info you need on what films you ought to like or dislike in order to be at all cool. A new section, which will likely grow as we keep yapping. The CPF Mailing List is a place to go to if you want to blather about our crap (or at least listen to us do so) and/or ask questions and such. Someday, one of the fifty-odd current members who aren't actually in CPF might actually ask some, so be there when it happens!! The CPF F.A.Q. contains additional info the curious reader might wish to peruse regarding what we do and why. So don't say we never talk to you.
|
||||||||
(AP Newswire)