What's on this site: Get a clue! A note from Matt regarding
CPF's fansubs This whole live-action vs. anime film thing Do You Think You'd Like to Have a Blockbuster Up Your Ass? What the FAQ is Corn Pone Flicks? Other Links/Fave Places Committee for the Scientific Investigation of Claims of the Paranormal |
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CPF Times Even Brander and Newer!!! From Corn Pone Flicks, a (relatively) new 2002 production, it's.... well, we'll just have to let you find out for yourself, as it'd ruin the surprise a bit to say more ... Right Click the following link and select 'Save Target As...' to download CPF's new film Corn Pone Flicks' Mondo Surprise! Also available from Corn Pone Flicks: it's...
PONG! Now available from Corn Pone Flicks, a 5 minute trip back into the debauchery of the 1970s. A divx download version, 5 min, ~26 MB, available below. Right Click the following link and select 'Save Target As...' to download CPF's PONG! Right Click the following link and select 'Save Target As...' to download CPF's Indiana Jones film 'trailer.' It's ~19MB, 6 min. avi in DivX ;) mpeg4 format: Corn Pone Flicks' Indiana Jones film Right Click the following link and select 'Save Target As...' to download yet another fabulous CPF masterwork, Deep Brown Swamp... This video file is a bit larger than IJEF. It's ~39MB, 5 min. avi in DivX ;) mpeg4 format. When you see the footage, you'll see how much more difficult to compress it is :) View classic Corn Pone Flicks masterworks from times past. First is Bonus Track (8.5 MB, 1.5 minute length), and second is CPF's 1997 short B.O.A. (approx 10 MB, 1 minute.) NEW: the ancient CPF Classic Flexible Metal Hose Co. Vs. The Universe (3.8Mb, 1 min.) and the 1995 Mega-hit Corn Dog 7 (7 minutes, ~70mb.) They are all in divX format as well. Once again, right click and save the .avi file.
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Killer Tornado Rips Apart Helpless Town"It's a miracle!" rave survivors.Digging himself out of the wreckage of a terrifying storm that killed virtually everyone he knew on earth, Steven Garbfarber Farb can't believe his good fortune. He paused in the chanting of hosannas to his chosen deity for a moment to share his amazing and uplifting story with us. The rapacious twisting cloud of doom was barreling full-tilt through downtown Snake Bag, Oklahoma, straight down upon his home as he stood watching in terror from the rather foolish vantage point of his bay window, when it abruptly swerved and made a large semicircular detour through the homes of fifteen of his closest friends and neighbors instead, leaving him with a mere fifteen thousand dollars in home repairs to contend with. In Steven's words, or at least a small percentage of them, "There are times when you can just feel God's love at work. Tornados don't just change direction like that. It's obvious that God was desperate to save me," he says, pausing to survey the rarely-paralled carnage surrounding him, " no matter what the cost."Miles across town, Andy Spoop was in a bookmaker's office being worked over by Frankie "Three Knees" Frizetta when the tornado burst into the basement, grabbed his right leg and ripped it clean off, then swept back to blow the bookie and his hammer-wielding stooges halfway to Canada. "Praise Jesus!" he shouted as he hobbled towards us, bleeding profusely from his mangled hip. "I now know why I had amassed such a horrific load of gambling debts. The Lord was strategically maneuvering me into the one place I'd be safe. He's telling us we should go back to church."In fact, many of the townsfolk had done just that, and were huddled terrified amongst the pews when the tornado ran the church flat over in its rush to get out of town and onto the next one. The pair of survivors remain undaunted, promising that the blessed holy miracle tornado had woken the town up to start doing whatever it was it needed to be doing. "It's just one of those things," Steven assured us, "that can only be seen for what it is once you know how to ignore the confusing parts." The two vowed to build an even bigger church in the coming months, or perhaps, as they further reflected, a smaller one, more suited to the present population. Michael Crichton Lambasts Surgeons For Saving Little Girl's Leg"What is wrong with these fucking scientists?" he demands to knowThe best-selling author of Jurassic Park, Airframe, and The Bible is demanding to know what a group of surgical professionals were thinking when they undertook a landmark operation to save a seven-year-old girl's leg from amputation. "These scientists simply refuse to look at the bigger picture," rails the creative genius behind Congo. "What long-term effects will be imposed upon the ecosystem by the willy-nilly tampering with nature that has now introduced a whole new set of potentially sensitive conditions dependent upon the lack of one more single-legged individual, or 'strange attractor,' as I like to call them, in the world? What, I ask?"Crichton's knowledge of all things scientific gained worldwide notoriety when he single-handedly proved that it was mathmatically impossible to keep an animal in a zoo. "Have you ever even seen an animal in a zoo?" the querulous writer inquired of us. "No, you haven't, because they all doubtlessly escaped just before you got there and went on a mauling spree that killed thousands, including, I suspect, you, which is why you aren't listening to me, much in the way that no one ever does. Damn those scientists!"The little girl, meanwhile, has been recovering nicely, and can't wait to get back to playing soccer, biking, and kicking helpless kittens in the face with her newly-repaired leg.Crichton's newest book, about a swarm of diseased robot dinosaurs a few nanometers tall that cause much needless death, is due out by Christmas. Next article Previous articles |
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Twin Peaks season 2 still not out for 2003; world sucks.Leper Jim Remarks, "Garmonbozia"
Despite the first season's release having occurred two years ago, the second season of David Lynch's groundbreaking series is still not on the roster for 2003, even though you do have the opportunity to purchase a "special edition" of The Hot Chick, a bargain at a quarter the price! Just showing that people in high places are still in on the killtaker, and are a big piece of stupid. Next time you see a corporate executive, strike him with a desperately large fish. Then be helpful, and sign this petition. Here's a quick guide to what the site is all about: First, this News page here will contain important information regarding the site, and the very latest from the CPF crew themselves. Commonly read (we hope) editorials, instruction pages, special reports, and links to other sites are referenced in the far left sidebar. The Filmography page contains a listing of all of Corn Pone Flicks' projects in a list form. Clicking on a title from the list pops up a window with exquisite detail about each work. The Filmography page also includes a link to up-to-date information regarding upcoming CPF projects. The About CPF page contains biographical and other information about the cast of characters that makes up the gestalt of zaniness known as Corn Pone Flicks. The Contact page is VERY VERY important. It includes ALL THE DETAILS about how one should contact Corn Pone Flicks and request copies of their films. Please, please read this section carefully! The CPF elder gods are extremely busy and following these guidelines helps immensely when it comes to the time it takes to get tapes done. If you're a dumbass, please get someone who's not to handle the contact arrangements. The CPF Reviews page contains all the info you need on what films you ought to like or dislike in order to be at all cool. A new section, which will likely grow as we keep yapping. The CPF Mailing List is a place to go to if you want to blather about our crap (or at least listen to us do so) and/or ask questions and such. Someday, one of the fifty-odd current members who aren't actually in CPF might actually ask some, so be there when it happens!! The CPF F.A.Q. contains additional info the curious reader might wish to peruse regarding what we do and why. So don't say we never talk to you.
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(AP Newswire)