What's on this site: Get a clue! A note from Matt regarding
CPF's fansubs How to get on our bad side...a history of obnoxious rulebreakers This whole live-action vs. anime film thing Do You Think You'd Like to Have a Blockbuster Up Your Ass? What the FAQ is Corn Pone Flicks? Other Links/Fave Places Committee for the Scientific Investigation of Claims of the Paranormal |
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CPF Times Recording VCR returns from repair vacation, all frisky and raring to go! On top of that, I'm currently "hard" at work on converting our back catalogue into DVD format, so soon the humble VCR can finally retire. (Note: this doesn't mean anything is actually available on DVD at present.) Updates will be posted as this project advances. New downloads available for CPF shorts! Plus new, high-quality versions of shorts previously available, including PONG, Flexible Metal Hose Co. vs The Universe, and new films such as The Jar of Screaming Blood and Signs of a Gullible-Ass Public. For a full listing of all versions and titles, see the Shorts section of the filmography. Available from Corn Pone Flicks: it's...
PONG! From Corn Pone Flicks, a 5 minute trip back into the debauchery of the 1970s. An Xvid download version, 5 min, ~58.4 MB, available below. Right Click the following link and select 'Save Target As...' to download CPF's PONG! Right Click the following link and select 'Save Target As...' to download CPF's new film whose name spoils half (or more) of the joke! Corn Pone Flicks' Mondo Surprise! Right Click the following link and select 'Save Target As...' to download CPF's Indiana Jones film 'trailer.' It's 53.2 MB, 6 min. avi in Xvid format: Indiana Jones and the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald Right Click the following link and select 'Save Target As...' to download yet another fabulous CPF masterwork, Deep Brown Swamp... It's 48.9 MB, 5 min. avi in Xvid format. New! Available for download for the first time, it's the sequel to Deep Brown Swamp, the film that gives a new meaning to the term "logical ending!" Right Click and select "Save target as" to download. (Xvid format, 63.4 MB) View classic Corn Pone Flicks masterworks from times past. First is Bonus Track (8.5 MB, 1.5 minute length), and second is CPF's 1997 short B.O.A. (approx 10 MB, 1 minute.) Both are in DivX mpeg4 format. Then we have the ancient CPF Classic Flexible Metal Hose Co. Vs. The Universe (7 MB, 1 min.) and the 1995 Mega-hit Corn Dog 7 (4.5 minutes, ~49.4 MB.) They are in Xvid format. Once again, right click and save the .avi file. See the Filmography page for a full listing of all available downloads and file sizes (these are the highest-res versions.)
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"President" Bush wins monkey-resemblance contestShifty-looking victory stuns simian supporters.After a very close race, "president" George W. Bush was proclaimed the winner of the semi-annual "Who Looks Most Like a Monkey?" contest in Dry Prong, New Mexico. The Commander-in-Chief's victory over his closest competitors, a man who really looked like a monkey, and a monkey, has been viewed as somewhat suspect by regular contest attendees. "There's no denying that George W. Bush looks one hell of a lot like a monkey," said contest organizer Stumpy Sheepwaffle. "But his looks alone didn't get him the coveted title." Bush allegedly claimed that the openly gay Rhesus monkey in first place was precisely the sort of degenerate threat to children that his recently passed Defense of Heterosexuals and Other Privileged Folk Act was designed to "keep in their place." He denied that there was any conflict between fair and equal participation and simple obedience to the laws of his God as interpreted by he himself. The eleventh-hour discovery that the other human contender was an immediate threat to national security, however, prompted Mr. Bush to declare war upon the man who really looked preposterously like a monkey, an action which has drawn strong criticism from what he calls the "weed smoking community." He maintains that there is "credible intelligence that the individual is a clear threat to America's freedom," and as such has had his co-contestant sequestered in a small box in Guantanamo Bay with some water and a few bananas until the whole nasty business can be sorted out. Despite his victory and newly-celebrated simian semblance, Bush claims that he's still unconvinced of the theory of evolution, and is currently pushing for a ban on anyone who does not publicly assert the sheer silliness of believing in tree-dwelling ancestors. Scientists Discover "Facts," Shocking New Key to Life"Meaningless," say doubtersA hard-hitting series of investigative reports by journalists around the globe has finally revealed what researchers have been doing all these years. Reporters have learned that the inscrutable whitecoats develop guesses and, in a process still poorly understood, come up with data about the world. Sources close to the investigation claim that the results are referred to as "facts" in the shadowy circles scientists move in. Scientists themselves state that "facts" allow virtually anyone to make correct statements about reality. Many who have heard the news are unsure. Presidential hopeful John Kerry interrupted a campaign stop to decry the rumors that "facts" will improve the world. "Isn't it awfully convenient how these 'facts' emanate solely from scientists?" exclaimed the agitated candidate. "We simply can't trust those spooky nerds--who here remembers assassin droids? America must never forget! America shall never forgive!" Wild applause began even before the carefully-balanced rhetorical phrase was finished.
Common citizens are, if anything, even less sanguine than Senator Kerry about the prospect of a world filled with "facts". Shrimp-headed welder Josiah Roberts says, "The universe is made of tiny balls of cement that we mine for pornography. Don't facts put all that in jeopardy? If God wanted us to know facts, he wouldn't have given us dorsal fins." Psychic expert Sophia Dramaturge agrees. "There's fun, and then there's facts. Scientists should get back to doing something useful, like inventing something. Don't scientists do that? There's all sorts of things this world still needs. A gigantic Frito, for example." Mrs. Dramaturge couldn't possibly be more correct. . .and no scientist is needed to tell us that. Next articlePrevious articles |
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Captain Harlock Archives now open for your reading infotainment!Leper Jim Remarks "Yay."
After years of talking about it and six long months of actually working on it, The Captain Harlock Archives are finally up and ready. This should finally put to rest all of your questions regarding Harlock and his various appearances, so you'll never have to read about him anywhere else again. There's more half-truths and outright made-up crap out there about Harlock than anything I've heard since the last election. Here's a quick guide to what the site is all about: First, this News page here will contain important information regarding the site, and the very latest from the CPF crew themselves. Commonly read (we hope) editorials, instruction pages, special reports, and links to other sites are referenced in the far left sidebar. The Filmography page contains a listing of all of Corn Pone Flicks' projects in a list form. Clicking on a title from the list pops up a window with exquisite detail about each work, some of which is even true. The Filmography page also includes a link to up-to-date information regarding upcoming CPF projects. The About CPF page contains biographical and other information about the cast of characters that makes up the gestalt of zaniness known as Corn Pone Flicks. The Contact page is VERY VERY important. It includes ALL THE DETAILS about how one should contact Corn Pone Flicks and request copies of their films. Please, please read this section carefully! The CPF elder gods are extremely busy and following these guidelines helps immensely when it comes to the time it takes to get tapes done. If you're a dumbass, please get someone who's not to handle the contact arrangements. The CPF Reviews page contains all the info you need on what films you ought to like or dislike in order to be at all cool. A new section, which will likely grow as we keep yapping. The Captain Harlock Archives is our newest section, providing all the info you ever wanted to know about Captain Harlock and related series, buttressed between mounds of trivia you never cared about knowing. If you read something elsewhere that seems to contradict what you read in here, it's only because the other source is wrong. The CPF Mailing List is a place to go to if you want to blather about our crap (or at least listen to us do so) and/or ask questions and such. Someday, one of the fifty-odd current members who aren't actually in CPF might actually ask some, so be there when it happens!! The CPF F.A.Q. contains additional info the curious reader might wish to peruse regarding what we do and why. So don't say we never talk to you.
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(AP Newswire)