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:24 (1 min) - 2009

If your attention span just won't allow for twenty-four hour-long episodes, this is the film for you! Same plot in an infinitesimal fraction of the time!

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Stick with me; something'll happen, I swear.
137 (4 min) - 2006

Even death cannot stop the genius of Stanley Kubrick! Even a total absence of death cannot impart competence to Mick Garris! Now, the forces of something good and something kind of stupid collide! Who will emerge the victor? Yes, we know this film makes no sense!

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The Astounding Adventure of Feathers the Husky (13 min) - 2016

Every dog has his day, or night, as the case may be. A delightful bedtime story with only the tiniest whiff of drug use and profanity. Dedicated to our dear departed pets Sam and Marta. May you live on in a place where dogs and cats are revered as gods-the internet.

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B.O.A. (1 min) - 1997

Finished in the final hours (or maybe just 45 minutes) before Project A-Kon VIII in 1997, B.O.A. is probably the best film ever made in the giant-snake-attacking-a-bunch-of-stupid-people-genre (though it only attacks one person.) Oh yeah, and Christianity is stupid.

Notes From Gavv:

Ingenious ways of using a rubber snake and a backyard to produce great effects, even without Ice Cube!

Notable Quotes:
"In a snake, no one can hear you scream!"

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The Bicycle Thief (2 min) - 1998

New from Europe, home of obscurantist "classics" no one likes watching but everyone likes referencing! "Classic" tale of woe and triumph, in many acts!

Notes from Gavv:

Roberto Benigni was passed over for the part of the bicycle owner. His aim wasn't good enough.

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Bonus Track (2 min) - 1994

What was that? Something about how the falcon cannot hear the falconer? And it gimbles and gyres in the widening wabe? Yet another example of the pornography of brinksmanship.

Notes from Gavv:

Any true description of this would give away the whole joke, so enjoy the frolicking dancing pixies and caesar-salad oil-wrestling.

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Candle (4 min) - 1992

My best friend is a dead guy. A sexy ex-girlfriend (that I swear is less sexy than my current girlfriend, who therefore shouldn't hit me) lounges in bed and acts badly. Stuff ensues. I made it for film class, what do you want for nothing? Rubber biscuit?

Notes from Gavv:

Nice horror short featuring music from Sonic Youth.

Further notes from Matt:
Not original music from Sonic Youth. We ain't that cool.

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The Captain Harlock Overview Series

The New World Galaxy Express Dub (13 min.) - 2015
The ZIV/Malibu Harlock Dub (12 min.) - 2015
Captain Harlock and the Queen of 1000 Years (13 min.) - 2015
The 2013 Space Pirate Captain Harlock CG film (13 min.) - 2016

A series of critiques on the earlier dub jobs with which the character of Captain Harlock was afflicted on these here shores (unless you live outside America, in which case it's somebody else's shores entirely). Cringe at the acting! Wince at the editing! Learn why you and everybody else are wrong about the name of the blond in Galaxy Express 999! Bitch about the Star Wars prequels some more, in case you've forgotten to do so in the last five minutes! It's not relevant, but when did that ever stop you?

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harlocksolo.jpg (14958 bytes) Captain Harlock vs. Han Solo (7 min) - 1989

An oldie but a doodie. Of interest mainly to parapsychologists and bishops, and then only because those people have no idea what the hell they're talking about.

Notes From Gavv:

The title pretty much says it all. See director Matt Murray's first effort delving into animation vs. live-action mondo scenes fighting!

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Captain Harlock vs. the Galactic Empire (22 min) - 1990

Much better, and balances the length of the first try versus the X-23 films, which are for those with long attention spans or senile dementia. Of course, I think Spacehounds of IPC is one of the best books ever, so ignore me at your leisure. I apologize about not lying in this description.

Notes from Gavv:

Matt Murray's brilliant follow-up animation vs. live-action short. One of the most fabulous examples of editing and film directing you'll ever see. Trust me!

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A Christian Conversion... (5 min) - 1999

Based on the shocking true story of a man who lied about meeting with God!

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 Corn Dog 7 (4.5 min)- 1995     
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Filmed in four days, this CPF parody of Waterworld becomes even more brilliant when you learn (as you just have [or rather, will just have, when these parentheses end]) it was shot before Waterworld came out. Now digitally remastered to be shorter and even more chock-full o' effects!

Notes from Gavv:

Probably the first complete Corn Pone Short that in my opinion pulled everything together and shows what CPF could be truly capable of. Brilliant use of light box (pre-computer thingamagee) and luma key SFX, good pacing and direction, the prop construction genius of Matt Buffington, and of course off-the-wall writing. A no-doubt must see.

Notable Quotes:
"Oh no, not...death!"
"I'm not going to see New Harbor, am I sarge?"

Click here to see what cannot be shipped to Malta

Click for more details

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  The Danger Highway Series
Episode 3: This Time, it's Personal (3 min) - 1991
Episode 4: Concrete Jungle (4 min) - 1991
Episode 8: Mystery Road (7 min) -1991

I swear to god, I hate cops to the max. The sure hand of editor Che Guevara (pre-beret years) is seen in the rapid Eisensteinian montage. Shades of Lysenkoist dialectical materialism are also present, though largely subsumed under the rubric of VASKhNIL dogmatism.

Notes from Gavv:

Somewhere between "Twilight Zone" episodes and driver's education films.

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Deep Brown Swamp (5 min) - 2000

Deep Blue Sea...Lake Placid...Crocodile Hunter...hell, who knows. We were making fun of something, anyway. Followed by a sequel, Pale Blue Dot.

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 Desslok's Big Score (1 min) - 1999

Go, baby, go! He's one baaad blood sucka.

Download the source of our inspiration

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Dig Dug: The Movie (1 min) - 2002

I don't care what anyone says, video games are the best inspiration for movies ever! If you don't believe me, just look at that Resident Evil movie! You might, in fact, be the first person to do so!

Too young to remember Dig Dug?

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The Eighth Element (1 min) - 1997

Topical humor which, like Not Necessarily the News or Gold Diggers of 1933, was outdated by the time it was shot. At least people die. Original trailer can be found here for clarification purposes.

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 George Lucas: Age 9--Special Edition (15 min) - 1997

C'mon! You're a geek, you like Star Wars. Watch it.

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Flexible Metal Hose Co.
Vs. The Universe (1 min) - 1993 fmhose2.gif (12723 bytes)

You may not understand how, but the title is literally true.

Notable Quotes:
"It's flexible. It's metal. It's a hose. It's flexible metal hose."

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 Foreshadowing (3 min) - 1997

Your key to quality literature...and every Hollywood film of the past million years.

Notable Quotes:
"Is it in any way harmless?"

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 Great Stories From the Bible (4 min) - 2000

One of a continuing series, part of our effort to become latter-day Cecil B. Demilleses. Read Ezra 2:5 and Nehemiah 7:10, just for yuks.

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Well, do you want it? Huh? Motherfucker? A Highly Moral Tale for the Benefit and Erudition of Today's Disenfranchised and F***ed-Up Youth (2 min) - 1997

Do you think you'd like to have a blockbuster up your ass? Do you think you'd like that? Huh? Motherfucker?

Notable Quotes:
"You want this dang thing? It's a penny!"

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Indiana Jones and the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald (6 min) - 2000

It is our humble opinion that certain big-ass-budget films about sinking boats got a wee too much hoopla. Why is Indiana Jones in this? Hell, why is Bill Paxton in Titanic? Huh? Why? Originally conceived of as "a break from all that tedious effects work on Ozone Commandos," because we're terribly deluded folks.

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In the Realm of the Ants (1 min) - 1999


Good things come in threes...and now that we've made this film, so do Hollywood disaster epics about meteorites/CG ants and their wacky adventures.

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The answer, of course, is a jar of screaming blood. No, we did not set-dress the mailbox in this flick. We filmed it exactly as we found it.The Jar of
Screaming Blood
(2 min) - 2002

Based on the bestselling novel, "Screaming Tombs of the Deadly Living," it's a horror flick featuring swiped Sonic Youth music! One might almost think the last ten years just never happened!

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Landworld (1 min) - 1998

So then Costner made this film called The Postman, which no one remembers, and we made this right afterwards, in the five-minute window during which anyone could hope to get the joke, which is why you don't get it today. Features a dog playing a horse.

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Ozone Commandos Trailer and Sneak Preview (3 min, 7 min) - 1994, 1995

You can read the signs. Did we mention this film isn't finished yet? Well, part 1 is, but there's little hope for part 2. Neither part looks much like this, including the imaginary part 2, due to the enormous strides in technology that have occurred since we began shooting, back around when the dinos went extinct.

Never read Ozone Commandos? Here's a few issues right here! And a few more right here!

Ozone Commandos production diary
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Ozone Commandos trailer 2 (2 min) - 2009

Hot on the heels of the first trailer, made just fifteen years before, it's a new promo to herald the imminent completion of the actual film, long after everyone's stopped caring at all. Contains more outright lies than the last one, in a language you don't speak!

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Pale Blue Dot (7 min) - 2002

Sequel to Deep Brown Swamp. Makes no sense if you've seen that film,
but makes even less if you haven't. Dick Laurant is dead.

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Looky, looky! It's a secret link!

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Corn Pone Flicks' 10 helpful hints to understanding this film!

1. Australians are well-known as farmers; which Australian is not a farmer?

2. Pay close attention to when Phred's loss of face occurred.

3. Is the snake real? If not, why not?

4. George Lucas filmed Star Wars in Tunisia. How much of your money does George Lucas own?

5. Natalie, right? Who the fuck is Dodd?

6. Observe assiduously what the alligator drinks.

7. "All the world's a stage / and all the men and women merely insects from another / planet."

8. Is K-12 ten times taller than K-2?

9. If this is a concrete mine, why are the goings-on within so vague?

10. Whose beacon are the aliens targeting, and for what damned reason?

11. Time travel box.

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The Phone (3 min) - 1996

I don't see what these cellphone enthusiasts are whining about. A little brain cancer never killed anybody. At least, nobody worth mentioning.

Notable Quotes:
"Jack Sarsparilla, motherfuckin' demon exterminator."

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PONG (5 min) - 2001

Proof positive that the Seventies Preservation Society must be cut down at the roots...contains fake sideburns, and some girls.

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Roach (3 min) - 1991

My arm was flayed open when I made this. You could see the bone.

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It's happening!!! Signs of a Gullible-Ass Public (1.5 min) - 2002

What can you do? Aliens are stomping your grass and probing your ass! See the original trailer here if you can't tell what the hell this video is supposed to be in our modern times.

For the less gullible....

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speed.gif (21176 bytes)   Speedy Days of Racing Thunder (3 min) - 1991

Now if only Tom Cruise would do the Speed Racer movie....
(Update from ten years later) Well, it didn't happen. Fuck!

Notes from Gavv:

Another product from Jigoku no Video.

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sgt.gif (9230 bytes) Sgt. Powerful and the America Gang (7 min) - 1990

Ever wanted to see loser teenagers make fun of loser adults? A film made before we owned a camera, or brains.

Notable Quotes:
"Hey look! A guy who probably doesn't like football!"

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Star Wars episode XXXVII (2 min) - 2002

Three million credits worth of Whitey's ice, and baby, that's cold!

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  Twister II (3 min) - 1997   t2c.jpg (10012 bytes)

You know that bit in Judge Dredd where Armand Assante says "Send in the clones!" and then nothing happens because they edited that scene out? You know the part I'm talking about? Jesus Christ, that was stupid.

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