Most of these films are now downloadable directly from this site in both high and low quality versions. Just right-click the appropriate link and then sit back and wait, or go watch a movie or something. It'll get there eventually. For the less patient, which is probably most of you, including me, the majority of the shorts can now be viewed via stream from their respective entries.
Even death cannot stop the genius of Stanley Kubrick! Even a total absence of death cannot impart competence to Mick Garris! Now, the forces of something good and something kind of stupid collide! Who will emerge the victor? Yes, we know this film makes no sense!
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512x384 version (63.3 MB)
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Finished in the final hours (or maybe just 45 minutes) before Project
A-Kon VIII in 1997, B.O.A. is probably the best film ever made in the
giant-snake-attacking-a-bunch-of-stupid-people-genre (though it only attacks one person.)
Oh yeah, and Christianity is stupid.
Notes From Gavv:
Ingenious ways of using a rubber snake and a backyard to produce great
effects, even without Ice Cube!
Notable Quotes:
"In a snake, no one can hear you scream!"
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The Bicycle Thief (2 min) - 1998
New from Europe, home of obscurantist "classics" no one likes
watching but everyone likes referencing! "Classic" tale of woe and triumph, in
many acts!
Notes from Gavv:
Roberto Benigni was passed over for the part of the bicycle owner. His
aim wasn't good enough.
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What was that? Something about how the falcon cannot hear the falconer?
And it gimbles and gyres in the widening wabe? Yet another example of the pornography of
brinksmanship.
Notes from Gavv:
Any true description of this would give away the whole joke, so enjoy
the frolicking dancing pixies and caesar-salad oil-wrestling.
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My best friend is a dead guy. A sexy ex-girlfriend (that I swear is less
sexy than my current girlfriend, who therefore shouldn't hit me) lounges in bed and acts
badly. Stuff ensues. I made it for film class, what do you want for nothing? Rubber
biscuit?
Notes from Gavv:
Nice horror short featuring music from Sonic Youth.
Further notes from Matt:
Not original music from Sonic Youth. We ain't that cool.
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Captain Harlock vs. Han Solo
(7 min) - 1989
An oldie but a doodie. Of interest mainly to parapsychologists and
bishops, and then only because those people have no idea what the hell they're talking
about.
Notes From Gavv:
The title pretty much says it all. See director Matt Murray's first
effort delving into animation vs. live-action mondo scenes fighting!
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Captain
Harlock vs. the Galactic Empire (22 min) - 1990 Much better, and balances the length of the first try versus the X-23
films, which are for those with long attention spans or senile dementia. Of course, I
think Spacehounds of IPC is one of the best books ever, so ignore me at your
leisure. I apologize about not lying in this description. Matt Murray's brilliant follow-up animation vs. live-action short. One
of the most fabulous examples of editing and film directing you'll ever see. Trust me! Right click and select "Save target as" to download Xvid version. |
A Christian Conversion... (5 min) - 1999
Based on the shocking true story of man who lied about meeting with God!
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Filmed in four days, this CPF parody of Waterworld becomes even
more brilliant when you learn (as you just have [or rather, will just have, when these
parentheses end]) it was shot before Waterworld came out. Now digitally remastered to be shorter and even more chock-full o' effects!
Notes from Gavv:
Probably the first complete Corn Pone Short that in my opinion pulled
everything together and shows what CPF could be truly capable of. Brilliant use of light
box (pre-computer thingamagee) and luma key SFX, good pacing and direction, the prop
construction genius of Matt Buffington, and of course off-the-wall writing. A no-doubt
must see.
Notable Quotes:
"Oh no, not...death!"
"Joooooooones!"
"I'm not going to see New Harbor, am I sarge?"
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Click here
to see what cannot be shipped to Malta
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The Danger Highway Series I swear to god, I hate cops to
the max. The sure hand of editor Che Guevara (pre-beret years) is seen in the rapid
Eisensteinian montage. Shades of Lysenkoist dialectical materialism are also present,
though largely subsumed under the rubric of VASKhNIL dogmatism. Somewhere between
"Twilight Zone" episodes and driver's education films. Right click and select "Save target as" to download Xvid versions. |
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Desslok's Big Score (1 min) - 1999
Go, baby, go! He's one baaad blood sucka.
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Download the source of our inspiration
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Dig Dug: The Movie (1 min) - 2002
I don't care what anyone says, video games are the best inspiration for movies ever! If you don't believe me, just look at that Resident Evil movie! You might, in fact, be the first person to do so!
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Too young to remember Dig Dug?
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The Eighth Element (1 min) - 1997
Topical humor which, like Not Necessarily the News or Gold
Diggers of 1933, was outdated by the time it was shot. At least people die.
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George Lucas: Age
9--Special Edition (15 min) - 1997
C'mon! You're a geek, you like Star Wars. Watch it.
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Flexible Metal Hose
Co. 
Vs. The Universe (1 min) - 1993
You may not understand how, but the title is literally true.
Notable Quotes:
"It's flexible. It's metal. It's a hose. It's flexible metal hose."
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Your key to quality literature...and every Hollywood film of the past
million years.
Notable Quotes:
"Is it in any way harmless?"
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Great Stories From the Bible (4 min) - 2000
One of a continuing series, part of our effort to become latter-day
Cecil B. Demilleses. Read Ezra 2:5 and Nehemiah 7:10, just for yuks.
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A
Highly Moral Tale for the Benefit and Erudition of Today's Disenfranchised and F***ed-Up Youth (2 min) - 1997
Do you think you'd like to have a blockbuster up your ass? Do you think
you'd like that? Huh? Motherfucker?
Notable Quotes:
"You want this dang thing? It's a penny!"
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Indiana Jones and the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald (6 min) - 2000 It is our humble opinion that certain big-ass-budget films about sinking
boats got a wee too much hoopla. Why is Indiana Jones in this? Hell, why is Bill Paxton in
Titanic? Huh? Why? Originally conceived of as "a break from all that tedious effects work on Ozone Commandos," because we're terribly deluded folks. |
In
the Realm of the Ants (1 min) - 1999
Good things come in threes...and now that we've made this film, so do
Hollywood disaster epics about meteorites/CG ants and their wacky adventures.
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The
Jar of Screaming
Blood (2 min) - 2002
Based on the bestselling novel, "Screaming Tombs of the Deadly Living," it's a horror flick featuring swiped Sonic Youth music! One might almost think the last ten years just never happened!
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Anger is an energy--and the world's most renewable resource! Let's build
a gigantic public works project with anger! And then take Tiger Mountain by strategy....
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Ozone Commandos
Trailer and Sneak Preview (3 min, 7 min) - 1994, 1995
You can read the signs. Did we mention this film isn't finished yet? Or that it will look very little like the examples presented here? At least the reason for that is that the actual film is looking way better. That's something, I suppose.
Never read Ozone Commandos? Here's a few issues right here! And a few more right here!
Ozone Commandos production diary
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Pale Blue Dot (7 min) - 2002
Sequel to Deep Brown Swamp. Makes no sense if you've seen that film,
but makes even less if you haven't. Dick Laurant is dead.
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Corn Pone Flicks' 10 helpful hints to understanding this film!
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I don't see what these cellphone enthusiasts are whining about. A little
brain cancer never killed anybody. At least, nobody worth mentioning. Right click and select "Save target as" to download Xvid version.
PONG (5 min) - 2001 Proof positive that the Seventies Preservation Society must be cut down at the roots...contains fake sideburns, and some girls. My arm was flayed open when I made this. You could see the bone. What can you do? Aliens are stomping your grass and probing your ass! Now if only Tom Cruise would do the Speed Racer movie.... Another product from Jigoku no Video. Ever wanted to see loser teenagers make fun of loser adults? A film made
before we owned a camera, or brains. Three million credits worth of Whitey's ice, and baby, that's cold! You know that bit in Judge Dredd where Armand Assante says
"Send in the clones!" and then nothing happens because they edited that scene
out? You know the part I'm talking about? Jesus Christ that was stupid.
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Notable Quotes:
"Jack Sarsparilla, motherfuckin' demon exterminator."
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Signs of a Gullible-Ass Public (1.5 min) - 2002
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For the less gullible....
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Speedy Days of Racing Thunder (3 min) - 1991
(Update from ten years later) Well, it didn't happen. Fuck!
Notes from Gavv:
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Sgt. Powerful and the America Gang (7 min) - 1990
Notable Quotes:
"Hey look! A guy who probably doesn't like football!"
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Star Wars episode XXXVII (2 min) - 2002
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